Karena ku sanggup meski ku tak mau..

Biarlah ku sentuhmu, berikanku rasa itu
Pelukmu yang dulu pernah buatku

Ku tak bisa paksamu ‘tuk tinggal disisiku
Walau kau yang selalu sakiti aku dengan perbuatanmu
Namun sudah kau pergilah, jangan kau sesali

Karena ku sanggup walau ku tak mau
Berdiri sendiri tanpamu
Ku mau kau tak usah ragu, tinggalkan aku kalau memang harus begitu

Tak yakin ku kan mampu, hapus rasa sakitku
Ku ‘kan selalu perjuangkan cinta kita
Namun apa salahku, hingga ku tak layak dapatkan kesungguhanmu

Tak perlu kau buatku mengerti
Tersenyumlah karena ku sanggup

(AM)

Three weeks

Ok, it's three weeks now... Let me close the door for you.. I'm here, always be here..

Mind u ??

I wonder why people can change his mind easily. What someone's said yesterday afternoon could be a lot difference in the evening and then a great difference in the morning. Do people like that? or just it happens only to some people who don't know the meaning of "What the talk".. Enough about integrity.. We can see it clearly from their attitude whether they do what they say..

work..work..work..

Another day of working.. so forget all my problems.. Hey, problems where are u?? I forgot about you already.. Welcome all paperwork, welcome all students, welcome all teachers... Here I come !!

I wasn’t in love, it’s just a silly thing that I did..

Love is a beautiful word and an amazing thing which what you want to do is just give and give. I wasn’t in love, it’s just a silly thing that I did which I should have not done, but then again everybody is doing it anyway (excuses!!). You’ll get burnt if you play with fire… You’ll get hurt if you play with your heart.. Thanks God, I stopped playing a while ago. Am I hurt? Did I hurt myself or have I closed all the doors that go to my heart? So, does it make me become a feeling less person? Cause it didn’t hurt so bad.  Couldn’t help much analyzing myself. Even doctors should go to other doctor when they’re sick. Friends..where are you when I need you the most? This is the time when you must do your job. Ooo… you are there all along.. all this time.. Where was I? okay, I understand, I was the one who made the barrier between us, kept the distance between us and I realized it now. I’ve ruined my barrier, can I come to you?  Could you come to me??  This is not love, guys. There, I finally said it! Was it the sentence that you were trying to tell me? No wonder it sounds familiar. Thanks to all for being my friend. Thanks to You God for being You! You’ve played Your job extraordinarily. I was blind. It was not love. I have my love already. You are my life, You are my love. My friends are my life, my friends are my love. My family is my life, my family is my love. Thank you for just waiting for me to come to my conscious and not judging me for the stupid thing I did, cause everybody is doing it anyway, aren’t you?

so help me.. God..

Jesus will finish it for me!  I must believe in that, while He’s doing His job, I must do my job which is waiting in faith! I know it won’t be as easy as it is said, but it’s not something impossible to do. Waiting is the most boring thing to do, many people say that. For me, it depends what you are doing while you are waiting. Get closer to Him! Be a bless for others in your thoughts, acts and says but then again it’s not easy !! If a task is hard, it means that you are going up, right? up in your level of faith.  Though that’s not my objective at all, I just want to live my life right. Can I ? Everything in my life is so blur now, I can’t have myself to focus in what I want Jesus to finish with. I can’t be persistence in waiting. I just want to be an ordinary woman, with ordinary problems. I never want to do hard task to be able to go to next level of my faith. What I don’t want is what I get right now, cause the problem is I have an extraordinary God! He won’t let me just be ordinary. Should I complain to God or just give thanks, live through it with unstoppable prayers and waiting until He finishes it for me. Lord, I can’t fight anymore, I’m sorry to let You down. I can’t be a soldier like you want me to be. I’m tired of fighting. Every time I finish a battle, I always face a bigger one. Can I please rejoice with the winning and not worrying bigger enemies will come to take the triumph from me? I know I am such a hypocrite since what I always say in my prayers is “shape me, God, as Your will” and I know that’s exactly what You are doing right now. I see the bigger trophy in front of me but why do I don’t feel like fighting to get it. I’ve just lost my spirit on the way, so help me, God…. Somewhere in my heart, I don’t want to quit fighting, so help me, God…. I can’t do it by myself, so help me, God..  Help me in this battle and win this battle for me! So help me, God… Help me in waiting, I can’t wait by myself, so help me, God…  I offer You my life, so help me God…

Focus !

O.. c'mon ! U walked into my life when I already have my own. Let me finish the chapter of my life first before I begin a new one. U are interrupting my focus, but I let u do it. I do nothing when u enter my life and try to rule it. Will you be there when I finally decide to start a new chapter? I bet you won't ! Anyway I won't let you though, since you have your own chapter. Why don't we be honest to ourselves and stop this dream. u write ur story and I write mine. People don't always get what they want. What we have now is what we used to hope for. Let me FOCUS !!

Leader

So.. a leader?? someone who leads.. it's very hard to be a leader.. for a team, for a company.. but the hardest one is when you have to lead yourself. Can I lead myself to a good path? Can I lead my heart ? Can I lead my feeling ? My thoughts ? My dreams ? It needs persistence, focus.. but there is a lot of things that try to mislead me... So am I persistence enough ? Am I focus enough ? How ?? It needs practise for sure.. Let me do it one step at a time.. so help me, God...

the 8th day...

Today is the eighth day of not seeing him.. I wonder why people can be so ignorance of people around them, people who care for them.. But a lot friends around me make happy and a lot jobs make me busy.. so.. at least I know the meaning people change so you can learn to let go, I used to think that I couldnt live without him.. but now I'm thinking maybe I could.... mmmmm

hmmm

Finally, I have a blog !! Yay !! (Malu juga sih..) Sebenarnya udah lama banget mau punya blog tapi gak ngerti. Mau nyari buku2 tentang ini tapi belum sempet juga.. Eh.. ternyata setelah kutak-kutik punya blog itu gampang yaa... Welcome my blog.. Love u.. (apa sih??) lebay yaa?? hehehe..